Everyone goes through difficult times in their marriage and you can find yourself searching, for “how to improve your marriage”? I’ve been married going on 10 years and we are still learning and we will continue to choose to learn. Life can seem really confusing and challenging, at times. A thought might have even run through your head that, maybe I could do better by myself. I’m here to help shed light on those challenging places. Places that feel like it’s the end of the road but really it’s only a “yield” sign. I’m here to help remind you that I understand life is hard no questions about it but if you know down in your heart that you can make things work with a few reminders then I encourage you not to give up.

I want to tell you all about this dream I had that helped me view marriage differently. Love and commitment can always find their way back into the marriage as long as God is the center of it all and you make a choice to do so.

 

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

 

I had the craziest yet coolest dream. Joseph (My husband) and I were hanging out with a married couple who I never thought we would be cool with because they are celebrities in the Christian community. As we were sitting there laughing, all I could remember is the scenes kept changing. One time we were in church, then another out to eat, then we were just kicking it, and then we were back at church. Seems a lot like a night of fellowship.

Their marriage started off great and they seemed pretty normal. Joseph and I were very excited to be hanging with them and soaking up all their wisdom. But as the days went on, things started to get shaky and testy. The wife would tell me how they really didn’t see eye to eye anymore and the husband would talk to Joseph about a few things. It was nothing too big, but still, the distance was felt.

Joseph and I both could feel that some love was slipping away. As we were sitting at the table eating, the husband noticed that his wife was acting strange. He brought up how he felt at the table and she brought up how she felt at the table. We could tell she wanted to go in a different direction but we felt he wanted to make it work but he couldn’t persuade her to stay.

Joseph and I tried our best to talk to them, but her mind was made up. Then the strangest thing happens. We were back at the church. They had wedding attire on, but it was more of dress-down wedding attire. People were there to see if they would stay together or go their separate ways. There were a lot of people rooting for them but it was also a few haters in the crowd. One hater had the nerve to be sitting on the front row…And now the wife/bride was pregnant. The pastor brought out two boxes. The boxes were really big. The pastor told them, “what you have been praying for, God has the answers in this box”. We watched the groom open his box. It was five pieces of paper that had different sayings on them. We couldn’t see what was on them. Then it was the bride’s turn. She opened up her box and read her papers. I could see over her shoulder, as she kneeled down to read them. When she got to the third piece of paper you could see relief in her eyes and in her posture. It was like she was reading a sign that gave her the option to move on. Then came the last piece of paper. I remember her scooping down to pick it up. This paper was different from all the others. This one started off saying,

“ GOD SAID”

The paper said, “GOD SAID, “ YOU CAN FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH HIM AGAIN.

It was like everything stood still. Everyone was quiet, as the tears rolled down her face. She was a strong woman of faith and a proud daughter of The Father. It was as if she went through her emotions right there in front of us. The groom ran over to comfort her; he ran to her and dropped to his knees to be there beside her. You could see that he loved her so very much. We never got to see what his papers said, but at the moment no one was trying to think about the words that could have been on his papers. He asked her what they said and she showed us. They both had tears falling down their face. They both stood up and hugged each other.

How to improve your marriage | Understanding the dream

This dream was quite different. As I thought about who the people really are, it hit me that the groom was Jesus, in my dream. This dream symbolizes how we are quick to run out of a relationship with Jesus because we don’t fully understand the full purpose. We are all the bride and Jesus is the groom.

We must see our own marriages as sacred and precious. The bride was great when things were going as she envisioned them but when they started to move her out of her comfort zone, she wasn’t quite comfortable with that. I’m not saying that everything you are dealing with is pushing you outside of your comfort zone but I know it can be comfortable when things are going how you envision them but not how your spouse envisions them for your life and marriage.

We have to learn to not always trust our feelings because our feelings can lead us down a road that only cheers for our own feelings and goals. We have to remember that when we got married we decided to become a team and we have to learn to cheer for the team and not just for ourselves.

Even though the wife was set on moving on she decided to trust God. Even when all the other papers could have given her doubts to cloud her mind, she allowed God to have the final say. She trusted God more than her own feelings. She allowed God to have the final say. She believed God would do what He said He would do.

When marriage is a whirlwind of emotions you have to be able to go to The Father and sit at His feet and get the guidance you need. One of the most important things you can do is take everything you have to The Father before you make any decisions. The Holy Spirit could easily tell you what to pray for, tell you something that you need to work on within yourself, tell you to forgive in this area, Holy Spirit wants to guide you. There have been plenty of times that I wanted to make a decision that made sense to me but when I brought it before God He quickly and gently humbled me. When I brought it to God I wasn’t bringing it to Him so He could fix Joseph or change Joseph’s mind but God what do I need to do here? 

Another part that stuck out to me was that she was pregnant. I believe she was carrying something for both of their destinies. I believe she was carrying something that would require both of their purposes combined. When we say yes to our spouses we choose to go into partnership with them. We choose to be a team player. It’s hard to go into a partnership when you don’t understand your position. 

You both are carrying destiny inside of you and it’s the partner’s job to help their significant other become who God has called them to become. If that’s shining some lights on those dark places in order for them to heal or if it’s helping them dig up some roots that were planted as a kid and now are taking nutrients from the harvest then that’s what marriage is all about. It’s about helping each other but doing it in the most loving and respectful way. We have to show love and feel respect in our marriages.

We have to be gentle with one another even if we feel like what our spouse is going through is small to us. What might be an anthill to you might be a mountain to them. It’s taking own feelings out and trying to understand their viewpoint. It can be easy to sign up for a team but it’s difficult to choose to stay when it’s having an off-season. Because the truth is, there will be seasons when you feel like you have lost all season long but it’s still your choice to stay and be one of the MVP’s.

The enemy knows what could happen if you decide to stay together. He wants to have a front-row seat, hoping you will let everything bad cast a shadow on everything that was good and that could be good. He’s hoping you will let your emotions and your feelings make the decision.

BUT I’m praying you will make a decision that no matter what, you will believe, trust, and stand on God’s word!

I just love how in the story they ended up back at the church. When things started to get challenging, they took it to God. The pastor was apart of their village. They were under good leadership. I believe it’s important to have yourself a village. You need people that can pray with you, give you advice, and help you see that things are not always going to be like this. You need other married couples that can encourage you and share their wisdom.

If you find yourself going through a rough patch in your marriage, and you feel like you have fallen out of like with your spouse, then go talk to God. Prayer should be our first response, not our last resort! We all go through hard times but it’s important that we don’t allow hard seasons to shape our marriage. It’s important that we don’t focus on the seasons when it feels like rain. Don’t allow the enemy to showcase that difficult season of your marriage as the worst as if there’s no way you all can come back from this. Don’t allow the enemy to play you all against each other because he is sitting right there in the front row waiting for you to decide to let your marriage fall to pieces.

The enemy hates anything in unity. If he can get you off your game and get you to focus on the smaller picture that he has put on a jumbo screen, then he has you right where he wants you. If he can get you by yourself then he can get you focused on the craziness in your world and have you tearing down your confidence in God that He can restore it all.

“If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 NLT

I just want to leave this last scripture here.

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, MAKING ALLOWANCES for each other’s faults because of your love.”

Ephesians 4:2 NLT

I hope this post has helped you with understanding how to improve your marriage.

XO, Ken